To quote Shakespeare “a rose by any
other name would smell as sweet”. So what is in a name or title? How does one
go about earning, or being deserving of a specific title? And why do we seek to
have titles attached to our names?
These are a few of the questions
that I struggled to answer after reading this link in a
friend’s Facebook page a few days ago. To be honest when I first read this it
really irritated me! I mean what were these women doing as a stay-at-home mom that
I as a working mom was not doing? Why do
they deserve a fancy title because they are feeling lonely and unimportant? Do working moms have it any easier in that
regard? And when I voiced these opinions I was blasted by a bunch of
stay-at-home moms who seemed to misunderstand what I was getting at.
First of all, I was a
stay-at-home-mom for five years, and then I chose to go back to school and get
a degree and am now in the middle of my third year as a college student and I
work part-time. So I have been on both sides and feel that I have a good grasp
of what it takes to do both of them. I totally get that being a
Stay-At-Home-Mom is a hard job and I’m not trying to deny that or negate the
value of their work. But at the same time I feel as a working mom that my position
as a mom is just as valuable and just as challenging, and deserves just as much
credit. Now some women feel that being a
Stay-At-Home-Mom is commanded by the Bible, which I disagree with and will elaborate
on in another post soon, but that is not the debate.
The debate here is, are these women
deserving of all of those titles, and if so why?
My view point is, No they are not
deserving of these titles. Number one, they have a title, a very honorable
title I might add and that is the title of Stay-At-Home-Mom (also known as a
SAHM). And by attaching all of these other titles they are saying that that
title is not enough. They already complain that society doesn’t respect their
position and title as a SAHM, but I would argue that they are not helping
matters when they attach a bunch of different, often bogus, titles to their names.
When they do this they are agreeing with society and saying, “I don’t think
that my title of SAHM is enough. I need to add a bunch of titles to it to make
myself feel important and valued.” Number two, just because you do something that
is included in someone else’s job description doesn’t mean you are deserving of
that person’s title. For example, in the working world, a secretary will often
have to write up a budget, or track the office expenses, does that make her an
Accountant? No! Why not, she is doing some of the same jobs that an accountant would
do? Some would say she doesn’t have the training to be an accountant, and that
might be true, but let’s assume for a minute that she does have the training
that would qualify her to be an accountant, but is simply working as a
secretary would the response still be
the same? To that I would waver slightly, I would say she could say she is an accountant
working as a secretary, but she cannot claim that her job title is an
accountant, because she is not working as an accountant.
So how can a SAHM define her
position and not succumb to society’s pressure that being a Mom isn’t enough?
Because I get where they are coming from, Society says “you’re just a Mom.” And
they’re frustrated and attach these titles to prove how much work they actually
do. The problem is these moms are attaching a title to every part of their job
description, and that is what I was protesting! I do not deny that being a mom
entails a large job description, but I also want to point out that that job
description doesn’t change whether you are a working -mom or a stay-at-home-mom,
the things that you chose to do, making homemade bread vs. buying your bread
from the store, might change but the general Job description doesn’t change.
This is considered your work load and that will vary by the choices each family
makes, if the mom chooses to make their own clothes and grow their own food their
work load is going to be greater than someone who simply goes to the store and
buys everything. How many children are in the home, their physical and mental
health, as well as their ages, will also play a role in how large of a workload
a mom has.
I listed the 4 titles I hold in one
of my comments and I would like to use them as an example of how I think our
roles should be defined.
Title: Wife
Job Description: To love and support her husband in every
possible way, to pick up his dirty socks and put down the toilet seat, to
provide passionate expression of their love.
Work Load: Varies – depending on the needs of the husband
Title: Mom
Job Description: do Laundry, plan menus, clean the house, balance
the budget, shop for groceries, take children to their appointments, bargain
hunt, care for sick children, make meals, Train/teach children, pay bills,
manage home improvement projects, etc.
Work Load: Varies by household
Title: Student
Job Description:
attend class, do homework and projects as assigned, read and comprehend
material, take a multitude of tests and pass the class
Work Load: Varies by
instructor
Title: Accountant
Job Description: Create Balanced Budgets, create monthly
financial statements, create spreadsheets to track spending and Payroll, Track
and Report payroll taxes, file income taxes, Create Payroll, Track Accounts
payable and Accounts Receivable, Pay bills etc.
Work Load: Varies by company
So who is
deserving of a title? How do we determine what title a mom can attach to her
name? Some mom’s have never gone to school yet they run family business, they
design and sew clothes and sell them. They raise chickens or goats or cows and
slaughter them and sell them to the public. Or they make jelly and bread to
sell. Some moms home school their children. Others teach music lessons on the
side. Still others run non-profit
ventures like libraries. So what title do they go by do they have to stick only
to the use of SAHM, do they even qualify for that title? Well, the way I
see it is, the title Mom is given to you when you give birth, or the state
gives you that title when you adopt a child, and those are the only two ways we
can become a mom. And as a mom you have
a specific Job description whether you work outside the home, from home or just
in the home. So I say we’re all Moms. Some people have gone to school and
studied a specific field and received a designation from that institution that
they are qualified to work in that field. So I say those moms can and should
add that distinction to their name, with one little caveat, if you are not working
in your field you can’t claim it as a job title but rather like our secretary friend
it is something you are but it is not a job title you are currently using. Now
those who didn’t go to school and yet run a business, etc. I think that you
also deserve to use that Job title, it is what you do. What I don’t think you should do is call
yourself a baker because you bake a loaf of bread for your family, even if your
job outside the home is that of a baker, when you bake that loaf of bread for
your family you are working in your capacity or job title of mom.
The point of
this post is that being a mom entails a huge job description, there are so many
things that we take on whether we work outside the home or you stay at home. We
all do what we think will benefit our families the most and use the talents
that God has given us. Don’t let society
minimize your role/title of mom. Don’t give in to the lie that you need a special
title to have worth, what you do gives you worth, and adding bogus titles only
make you seem desperate! So don’t do it!
